Your life is more than this moment

It’s been one year since my mother passed away. Seems scarcely believable, it was just yesterday that she was here with us. I have learnt so much this year about life, people, emotions, and faith. None of these lessons were sought after or desired, yet perhaps, for that very reason, were sorely needed. 

Perhaps the biggest eye-opener for me was that grief, a negative emotion, is actually very much like love. When you love someone, that feeling doesn’t stay the same always. It changes in intensity, character, and energy, but it always stays with you, in one form or another. Grief, it appears, is very similar. It isn’t something you deal with for a period of time and then gladly see it gone. Grief stays with you, gets absorbed in your very being, and completely changes you. There is no other side to grief, no end to it. But, mercifully, there is a change in the quality of grief. If you allow it to just be, a feeling of acceptance and peace emerges. You are forever changed, grief has become an integral part of you.

Sometimes overwhelming, other times an undercurrent, the ever present grief helps you appreciate and be truly present in your life. All those clichés are clichés for a reason. They seem tired and trite until you live them, and then the words resonate with purpose and clarity. 

There are so many rituals and ceremonies that people do to honor the ones they lost. Something as simple as cooking the food they liked can bring great joy and calm the waters for a minute. Some people find solace and strength in meditating, reaching out to the departed soul. Faith in something beyond ourselves provides an immeasurable strength.

To me, the best way we can honor our loved ones and keep them ever-present in our lives is to be the things we loved the most about them. That’s not an easy ask, but oh, how rich the rewards if we can actually do this! Your life is more than the grief, more than this moment. Make it count.